I have been learning so much lately from starting my podcast, and it has been all for the good. Due to this, it has me working on embracing my smile, sharing more than just my highlight reel, and I'm not saying that it's bad if they're shared, I think we all do it, but then when we hit a low -- we feel like we are alone. Maybe in some ways, we are, but then again maybe there is someone out there struggling with the same thing or just not having a good day. I made the podcast to help show the Behind-the-scenes of other's lives, including my own.
With that, the whole premise of this photo was that I was trying to share a photo of my @avawomen bracelet. Not due to any sponsorships, but to share more on what happened before my last negative pregnancy test and after. I went through a mini depression and had so much confusion. I have had surgery, so why wasn't it working? I felt it was my fault and couldn't speak to anyone about it without crying. I learned that my Papa was dying as well and it all just hit at once.
During this process of confusion, I started researching and I remembered that a friend of mine had used an ava bracelet. She was actually selling hers, but my problem was figuring out how to get it here in time to track. So, I ended up buying one. I changed my diet to only eat food that would help with fertility. I started getting more religious about taking a new prenatal that my friend had suggested. I thought I was lacking VITAMIN D, so I started taking more. Just to find out, I was taking too much and started getting dizzy. ( I stopped the extra Vitamin D). In the midst of this desperation and who knows what else this behavior would be called, I decided to start a podcast. It all feels like it happened overnight, but I think after sharing that last post and feeling alone. I wanted an outlet... Now, I did use the bracelet, but unfortunately, I didn't have luck and so, I ended up putting the bracelet away for a bit, until last night. I know that sounds like I gave up fast, and honestly, I know I did.
Emotionally, it is hard sometimes to want to continue to try, but I also know I didn't give the ava bracelet a fair chance. This blog is not in any way to make you feel bad or anything in a negative light, and it is not to get advice, because right now I am keeping my sights set forward with the plan I have in motion. I am sharing this to help someone else that may feel alone. I also need you to know that just because I am facing infertility, doesn't mean I'm not proud of those of you that are starting a family or adding to your family. I feel like when I share this, I make people feel like they cannot feel the joy around me, and I want you to know that is not the case at all. I am so excited for you and in some ways vicariously living through you until it is my time. If you made it this far. Sorry, I am way too wordy for my own good.
Also, if you do get the chance, check out
The Brie Pod
. You are not alone